This SUCKS!

So for the one reader that I have (love you Kel!), and anyone else out there, I've started taking Accutane for my acne.  I'm not sure why it got so bad this year, it could have been all that crap with my troubling students, the fact that I had a series of facials intended to make my acne go away, stress with my old living situation (I'm in a new place now...MUCH better), or a combination of all three.  Anyway after like 2 months of getting the process started, I've been taking accutane for almost a month.  I have noticed a change in my face, there aren't as many breakouts or they aren't as big.  My face is less oiler.  My "backne" (on your back) looks better too.  Yay for that!  

However, there are many things to BOO for.  

One, my skin is really, really dry (that's what the medicine does).  This is good in theory, but when you go from being a person with really oily skin to a person with incredibly dry skin in the span of a few weeks, it sucks.  This next part will be graphic, so bear with me, I can literally touch my face and flakes of skin will fall off.  If you see me in the morning, I look good.  By the afternoon, my moisturizer has worn off and I look like an alligator.    

Two, I have SUPER chapped lips.  Lots of times they bleed, and sometimes are so chapped that it hurts to open my mouth.  I should buy stock in aquaphor, that stuff is AWESOME!  However, since my lips are so dry I have to apply it around my whole mouth and I look like a two-year old applied my lip gloss. :(

Three, I itch like crazy. My scalp, my face, my legs, my arms....it's getting really bad at night too, I'm having trouble sleeping.  

Four, due to the said dryness, I'm applying greasy things to nearly every inch of my body.  I'm afraid to sit on anything made of plastic as I might slip off.  Also since the medicine breaks down the layers of your skin I've got to be super good with the SPF, so my only tan this summer so far is my right arm that hangs out window as I drive. 

Five, NO ALCOHOL!  All I will say is Aruba will be different for me this year. 

Six, and probably most important...my self-confidence has dropped dramatically.  I've always had image issues with myself, and when I lost weight two years ago it was great!  I felt SO awesome...I could walk into a room and not feel like I needed to hide myself, because I knew I looked great.  Well since about February of this year I haven't felt that way.  First, it was because my face was SO broken out and I can honestly say it was the worst my acne had ever been.  I would cry every morning when I saw my un concealed face in the mirror.  I tried everything I could to hide my face.  I would look down when walking in a store, I didn't like making eye contact with anyone.  I always felt people were looking at me, staring at me, talking about me.  I felt hideous. 

Now, although my acne is better, in some ways its worse.  I feel like acne is more "accepted" and people kind of get it.  I'm not sure people understand why my skin is so dry and I look like a crocodile. I still feel hideous, like the ugly duckling.  I still keep my head down when I go to a store, I don't like running into people that I haven't seen in years.  And it's so hard when I I know that I used to be a confident person, and that I shouldn't care what other people think or that my image shouldn't matter, but it does, at least to me.  I've literally watched friend after friend get married, and here's me afraid to go out and see if I can find happiness because I don't want anyone to look at me.  I HATE that I think this, but I do and what really makes me upset is that some people don't get it.  

I'm always complaining about something with my skin these days, but I'm sorry it sucks!  You know what else sucks?  Having to walk around in public looking like this!  I'm sorry, I think I should get to feel sad and crabby about that when I want to.  You don't look like a freak show...I just want people to understand...you can tell me to shut the hell up, that it's annoying, but at least tell me that you understand...that if you looked like a human alligator you would be a little bit upset too.  Just give me 5 minutes to complain and then let me move on.  

Guess that's kinda what this is.  Maybe I'll post again in December when (hopefully) I'm done with accutane, and I can report that I'm stunning! 

Teacher Workdays...I really like them...except today

So today we had our teacher workday.  I really like teacher workdays...it's like a forced spring cleaning in a way.  With no kids there it sort of forces you to get stuff done.  Today I had an inkling that something might happen, so I went in at my normal time (arriving to school at 6:30).  I got alot done unitl....I went to the office to check my box and saw that I would be getting a new student tomorrow.  For the one reader that I have, who is a teacher, but the others of you that may just be stopping by, getting a new student is alot of work.  Names on like 500 things, desk to set up, stuff to prepare...anyway when my teammates asked if I was heading out to lunch (another plus tea teacher workdays) I had to pass and do a to-go subway run.  Anyway I didn't get as much done as I wanted so I have to go in early tomorrow.  Tomorrow will also be bonkers since we're getting a new student my kids don't know about....and the fact that we haven't seen each other in 9 days...it's gonna be a long one. 

Memories

So clearly I haven't posted in almost a year....but with some prompting from Kelly I decided that maybe I'd give this whole blog thing another shot.  

You know they say that your senses are linked to memories.   I totally agree for example, whenever I smell the smoke from a freshly extinguished candle, I am always happy.  It's one of my favorite smells in the world.  Why?  It makes me think of birthday dinners past filled with laughter, a good meal, presents and then topped with cake and ice cream.  

So I went to CVS yesterday to buy some new face wash, because all this Acne crap has made me break out worse than before...that's a whole other post.  Anyway, I used it this morning and I immediately went to Aruba.  When we go down there I always take about two bottles of Aveeno sunscreen.  One, Aveeno isn't too greasy and two, it comes in SPF 45, which I need so that I don't totally fry.  The Aveeno face wash and moisturizer smell very similar to the sunscreen.  I just closed my eyes and I was instantly relaxed.  Maybe this will be a nice change, a way to relax myself before going to work in the morning.

So, I'm starting my day today thinking of my favorite place in the world...and counting the days until I get to go again. 

Hello!

So my cousin James and my friend Kelly have blogs, so I was bored today and thought that I would start one too.  I don't know how often I'll post since I have a crazy job and life always seems to get in the way, but I'll try to post every now and then.  So enjoy!